I can see clear as day, Tom and I standing on the sidewalk of some dusty road in Sayulita, “But if I go back, I’ll forget” I tried to explain. I didn’t want to get on the plane the next day, I just wanted to be done with my life in RI, the planning and sacrificing for my goal. I wanted it to be done already. I never did have any patience, that’s why I was so proud of myself for doing as much as I had done, but wasn’t it enough, I still had so far to go. I knew once I came back to my life in RI, my job, my apartment, my TV and internet, that I wouldn’t know that feeling anymore and I would get stuck again. Of course it wasn’t the best idea to abort my plan and never return to the Sates, I would only be setting myself up for failure in the very near future. So I got on the plane and vowed to be back in Sayulita within the year.
Fast forward 13 months and I sit in my cozy living room on a freezing and dreary day discussing the termination of our utilities with Tom. “When should we cancel cable? Are we ready to kill cable yet?” The answer, sadly for me, is “No”. I am working harder tying up life’s loose ends than I ever did at my job. After a day spent rolling over 401k’s, or researching electrical systems and babysitting the installation, or shopping for the perfect sized bin or table or can opener, or taking a photography class, what I want to do is cuddle up on the couch with Tom and veg out to some TV then go to bed.
I have totally forgotten.
I mean, I remember how much I hated TV in March of last year, I remember wanting to cancel cable then; I remember, but I can’t get back there. I know how much I enjoy myself traveling with Tom, I know I don’t require all the comforts most girls do (or even half of the ones I indulge in today), I know I hate TV and love to read; but sitting here in my underwear in this warm living room without a care in the world but planning for our departure, I find myself holding onto the last of these privileges with a vice grip. I’m not far from the people who exclaim, “how will you go to the bathroom!?” when I tell them of our plan. I hope the next owners appreciate the washer and dryer, the dishwasher and freezer, oh, and let’s not forget the bathroom with a hot shower right outside the bedroom where a comfy bed sits already ready for a sleepy head.
It’s like there are two Saras fighting each other, One for change & adventure, and the Other for the safety of routine.